Is it always one or the other? June 2, 2010

So I guess I’m kind of back together with the ex.  We’re just sort of hanging out and seeing where it goes for now.  Here’s my dilemma, I’m not sure if we have enough heat together.  I tend to have two different types of relationships, I either have a lot of heat with no real common ground, or little heat with a lot in common.  The ex falls into the latter category.  We  are very similar and have a lot of fun together, but there’s not a lot of ‘I want to rip your clothes off and have my way with you’ passion.  When we dated the first time around we had a bit of technical difficulty in the bedroom so we didn’t sleep together all that often, well we slept together, but the nonsexy I actually got sleep kind of sleep.  Am I naive in thinking that the first part of a relationship should be sexier than that?  Can you develop that sort of passion through time?  I’m still not completely comfortable with him, so I can feel myself holding back a little (I really don’t want to get hurt again), so maybe that’s the reason.  Am I just reading too much into this?  Unfortunately I’m not very go with the flow, lol, which means I over-analyze everything.  Gah, stupid boys.

Dissed but not dismissed June 1, 2010

Ok so I have written at least one post about the ex.  Well we have been talking on and off the past few weeks and we met up for dinner tonight.  We had a lot to talk about, but we were out at a restaurant which isn’t really an atmosphere to lay everything out on the table.  We never really made it past small talk.  He ended up driving me home (yay because the bus sucks, lol) and we had a very brief chat in the car in front of my house.  I was right in thinking that he wanted to get back together.  Basically he regrets breaking it off and has missed me ever since.  I’m still not sure how I feel.  I told him that I don’t want to get hurt again like last time so he needs to come up with a really good reason for wanting to get back together and ensuring the same thing that happened last time doesn’t happen again (essentially we had one fight and he couldn’t move past it.  We are going to fight, sometimes I like to fight, so that’s a big issue).  We made plans to hang out again tomorrow night and actually talk.  Here’s where the dissed part come in.  I am a big believer in kissing, if I kiss you and feel kind of meh, we’re not meant to be.  I want to feel some sort of passion (maybe I’m naive in that thought process but so be it).  So when I was leaving I went to kiss him to see if we still had any sort of spark, and got totally shut down.  If we are going to start relationship part 2 he wants to take it slow, which I understand, but I wasn’t expecting to be shut down.  As I said, in the world of Little Miss Jay, no passion – no future, so this isn’t off to the best start.  He better have really good reasons for wanting to get back together.

All shall be revealed tomorrow night.

Side note: I’m not a huge Justin Beiber fan, but his stupid songs are so damn catchy.  His new video features Jaden Smith who is absolutely adorable.

Ex Woes May 15, 2010

My ex-boyfriend decided to send me a Facebook message the other day.  It’s the first time we’ve talked since we broke up a month and a half ago.  It was weird because I had been thinking about him more and more lately and it was like he read my mind.  It was one of those messages where he asked me questions that required responses, so I either a) respond, or b) ignore; but if I ignore, it’s a blatant in your face I’m ignoring you.  I decided to respond because I didn’t want to be a bitch and blatantly ignore, but I didn’t ask him anything.  I basically just answered his questions and then gave general statements like “hope work is going well” etc.  I’m not quite sure what his deal is.  He responded to my message, and then I responded back, so we now have somewhat of a dialogue going back and forth, and now I’m eagerly anticipating his next response.  I am annoyed at myself for wanting him to write back right away.  I’m still mad about how it all ended (essentially we had our very first fight and he decided that all of his feelings for me disappeared), but now that I don’t have school to occupy the majority of my thoughts, he creeps in.  I feel like I’m being that stereotypical girl who reads into every little thing…I also feel like I’m setting myself up for something bad but I can’t quite figure it out yet.  Silly Little Miss Jay…

Blast from the Past May 11, 2010

I had two blast from the past moments yesterday, one planned, and one totally random.  Thankfully the planned one contributed to me looking good for the spontaneous one.  There is nothing worse than running into someone who you haven’t seen in a while when you look like crap.  The random encounter was with a friend who I took a class with two summers ago out in BC.  We both live in the same city now, but never really hang out.  We didn’t actually talk to each other because he was in a car and I was walking down the street, but it was the first time I’ve seen him here since moving 8 months ago.

The planned blast from the past was with a guy I knew in high school.  He’s here for a conference so we met up for hockey and beer (I’ve mentioned that I’m Canadian right, hockey and beer is what we do).  The majority of our night was spent talking about what we had both been doing since high school and such, and then we gossiped about the people we knew in high school and what they were doing.  It totally freaks me out that people who I went to high school with are now getting married and having kids.  Maybe I would feel differently if I actually had a boyfriend and some sort of life direction, but I don’t so I cannot even begin to relate to people who are settling down.  Plus I’m only 23, why would I want to be tied down (or at least that’s what I tell myself when I have moments of panic about getting older).  He’s also single, so at least we shared the same viewpoints on settling down, marriage, and kids.

Maybe it was the two pints of beer, maybe it was the fact that we were both single, or maybe it was just because I was bored, but we ended up making out in both his hotel room and my apartment later that night.  Good idea?  Probably not, but I made it, so I’ll live with it.  He wanted to take it further, but I wouldn’t allow it.  A make-out I can chalk up to being bored, sleeping with someone is a different story.  Plus, unlike myself who went really far away from home for university, he stayed in our home town and still hangs out with a lot of people we went to high school with.  I really didn’t want it getting around that we slept together.  Not because I care really about what people from high school think of me, but it’s better that they don’t know my business at all.